Will Getting Rid of Pork In Books Appease IS, Al Shabab and Boko Haram?

The world is in disarray and part of the problem has to do with religion. Here, Muslim Cleric is being assassinated. In Nigeria, Boko Haram is on the rampage – abducting school children and killing innocent civilians. Syria and Iraq have IS who want to behead anybody they come across for a dime while Al Shabab contend themselves with sending Suicide Bomber into neighbouring Kenya.

With all this insecurity, we look to the powers that be - Ban Ki Moon at the UN, Barack Obama and his Secretary of State, John Kerry, the UK’s David Cameron and more importantly, our own Foreign Minister Sam Kutesa, who holds the chair at the UN Security Council to sort out the mess.

While Kerry and Moon rake up frequent flyer air miles shuttling in and out of the worlds trouble spots in the luxury of their private jets, they do little except utter two words they both have in common. “We denounce....” They denounce what’s been happening in Syria, Iraq, Paris and Kenya and leave it at that – words that do not solve the problem.

Enter Oxford University Press (OUP). OUP is a printing press and they print books. In fact, OUPs only contribution to the greater good of mankind had been to publish its bestselling reference book – The Oxford English Dictionary, plus the Oxford Annotated Bible and a number of kiddies books which, have made their way into classrooms all over the world including Uganda. And I guess we have to thank them for that.

With their successes in the literally world, the folk at OUP now figure they can make a contribution to solving some of the world’s problems – especially those that offend the Muslim world.

Their solution is so simple, it will have Moon, Obama, Kerry, Cameron and Kutesa kicking themselves and saying: “Eh WTF! How come we didn’t think of that? The solution has all along been right under our noses!”   

Three weeks ago, OUP banned “pigs, sausages or anything else which could be perceived as pork...” from its books because it would “avoid offending Muslims.” Now you see why Moon, Obama and the rest will be kicking themselves?

However, and this is where I roll out the upper cased BUT. I am no expert on foreign policy and neither is Pork Roaster at CHOGM in Bunga or those in Ntinda, Wandegeya and Luzira but jeez, I really don’t see Boko Haram, IS, Al Queada and Al Shabab saying: “OUP nailed it! Getting rid of pigs from their publications has over night solved the 200-year-old feud we have been having with the Christians.”

Also Muslim Friend has never indicated to me that he won’t buy a book because it has a picture of a pig nor has he demonstrated or thrown stones at pork joints that are close to mosques as they are in Ntinda and Wandegeya and I have not seen him or his kids hiding under tables or throwing up when a pig has idly wandered past. Khalid Mahmood, a British MP and who is Muslim criticised OUP saying: “That’s ludicrous. That’s absolute, utter nonsense and when people go too far that actually brings the whole discussion into disrepute.” Hear, hear. 

Seeing OUP has made a non-issue a big deal, what will IS, Al Queada and Al Shabab do when they see Book Hawker selling innocent children’s books that contain the words “pig and sausage.” Will he become a marked man?

That said, I am not taking any chances and I have taken the precaution of tossing my OUP printed bible onto the sigiri because there is mention of pork – Isaiah 66:17, along with the kids ‘piggy bank’ and will scatter the ashes in Lake Vic to get rid of the evidence just in case Suicide Bomber decides to drop in. Better safe than sorry.