Saturday, July 22, 2017

The Clueless women

There is something I don’t fathom about the fairer sex. Either I don’t relate to them, or they are the ones with issues. A couple of weeks ago, I hooked up with Young Lady for the first time for a night out on the town. I found nothing wrong with her because she actually did lift up her feet when she walked instead if dragging them. Another thing that amazed, is that she wore proper heeled shoes and not the usual slipper or ballet things that are the preferred norm with women these days and regardless of whether they at work, wedding or meeting the pope.

The twilight went well and when it was time to take our leave, I asked if she was driving. Well before she spewed out ‘no’, I had already marked her as Young Lady who didn’t drive. “Is there any place I can drop you?” I asked. Her response which took me by surprise, is that she lived somewhere in the sticks of Mukono and that it would not be fair for me to drive that distance. “Anywhere on Jinja road will suffice” she said. I did just that and dropped her at Centenary Park.

After she had said thank you, I expected her to open the door and be on her way. Instead she sat gawking at me. After a baffling standoff of sorts, I broke the silence. “You know it’s about to rain?” Rather than retort, she rolled her eyes like I had said the most stupid thing, reached for the door and with one foot on Jinja Road, she turned to face me and out came: “Some transport”. It’s important to note that the preceding word of ‘please’ didn’t figure at all when she asked.

I did have some dime – 50k, two 20ks, a 10k plus an assortment of 1ks in my back pocket. Thankfully when I dipped my hand into it, it came back with the 10k to which she swung a morbid look of “only 10!?!” But who on earth asks for transport on the first meeting? Suffice to say I never called her again.

Second Lady and going by her responses as we talked over the phone was totally scattered. The conversation went along these lines.

TB: “Where would you like to go?”

Second Lady: “I don’t know, anywhere.”

TB: “Can’t you suggest a place?”

Second Lady: “I don’t know places.”

Hmm, like she has never been to Chicken Tonight!

I settled for Java at Village Mall in Bugolobi and as soon as she perched, I wished I was some place very remote, for not a moment after she said hello, she wasted no time in whipping out her Techno to start WhatsApp-ing and watching ebisessa on Bukedde TV.

When Waiter presented the menu, it took me less than 30 seconds to figure what I was going to waffle and drink. She on the other hand, went through the menu like she was doing an exam and Invigilator had harped on about how important it is to read the questions before answering.

With Waiter hovering about, I pressed her on what she wanted. The good news is she did want to eat and drink but, was not sure what she wanted. “I will order later” she grumbled. I didn’t have the patience to baby sit, so I ordered myself a TML and steak. Twenty minutes later and I was slavering away on a medium rare and washing it down with the coldest TML that I had been served in a while. She didn’t eat or drink but spent the entire evening on WhatsApp.

Days later, I get a call from Lady Friend. That Second Lady found me rude, repugnant and obnoxious because I didn’t talk to her, offer her a drink or food. Hmm!

Pictures: Internet