Timothy Bukumunhe : IGP Kayihura Gives Malaya's Civil Servant Status

‘Transparency’ so the IGG’s office constantly wails and ‘the need to be above the board in awarding government tenders, jobs, contracts and so forth to the best there is, because it makes for better government and due diligence has been exercised.’

Two weeks ago, Kale Kayihura’s Uganda Police and Father Lokodo’s Ministry of Ethics and Integrity hired people to fill various vacancies within their departments. There is nothing wrong with that except, I’m of the approach that transparency and due diligence were not employed.

Let’s start with IGP who hired 200 prostitutes to boost the spy ranks of the police force. But pause a jiffy while I twirl this in my head for is prostitution not an illegal activity in Uganda? Are these not the same prostitutes Father Lokodo is trying to rid the city of who are now being offered 'civil servant status' as spies to elicit information from punters whilst in the throes of a sawa ya malaavu session in some backstreet lodge?

That aside, there are many peeved prostitutes who operate on Speke Road and in Capital Pub, Kabalagala and Deuces in Kansanga. Listening to their beef with IGP, they maintain that no job adverts were placed in New Vision or in Bukedde. They further argue that they are more qualified than District Prostitute who were given the jobs because they (District Prostitute) don’t have access to the internet and a diverse range of Foreign Punter to know the latest hooker trends and modules on the market. Another question, will their names be added to Ministry of Public Service employee payroll list so their salaries can be paid into the bank?

Prostitutes being rounded up by police

But why does IGP need to hire Prostitute to gather intelligence? The police force has a number of directorates – Counter Terrorism, Metropolitan Police, Criminal Investigation and Crime Intelligence to do that and now there is a Directorate of Prostitution. Unless of course, Prostitute has been hired to gather a different type of information from Suspect like – ‘size, technique he used, passion depth, kissing style, romance in bed, preferred type of contraception....?’

Moving on, Porn Cop, Father Lokodo that is, also leaped into the fray in an attempt to grab the headlines from Kayiura. He too, has been hiring people to sit on his sh2bn Porn Committee and has appointed Dr Annette Kezaabu Kasimbazi, deputy vice-chancellor academic affairs at Kampala International University to chair the committee. Hmm!

No offence meant to the good Dr because I’ve never met her, but did Lokodo ask about her porn qualifications? What about the rest of the committee, how did Lokodo pick them? Were interviews conducted? What criteria was used? Where they shown the clip from Halle Berry’s 2001 movie, Monsters Ball and asked to write an essay on it? And hold up, has anybody seen Lokodo’s porn qualifications or does Appointing Authority know something the rest of us don’t?

With a sh2bn budget and the opportunity to spend the day in a murky room in the basement of La Bonita theatre watching porn flicks and perusing through back issues of Hustler and Playboy, did nepotism come into play?

I know many Ugandans are wasted in the jobs they currently do. I know because of the porn they post on their WhatsApp groups. Secondly, I doubt Dr Kasimbazi and her fellow committee members – Dalton Opwonya, Sheikh Mohammad Ali Waiswa, Pastor Martin Sempa and the rest know what they have let themselves in for.

Father Lokodo wants to make her unemployed

During a New Vision interview, Kasimbazi said her committee will start work in September after induction. “Induction” I hear you squeal? Most likely they are off to Kyankwanzi to go though back issues of Playboy. And if she get through the first five minutes of the pig scene without throwing up in the porn movie - Animal Farm which I might add, has nothing to do with George Orwell's bestseller book, then perhaps, Kasimbazi might just have the right qualifications for the job.

But I seriously doubt. I expect her quit by the time she gets to the graphic images on page two of Hustler magazine where the naked model has spread her legs wide open and is ...... Let me leave it at that.

And in a final act of utter porn lunacy, Porn Committee has decided that if you text Wifey, Girlfie, Boyfie or whatever and the message sizzles that you end up having sex, you will be deemed guilty of having sent porn and deserve to be punished.