Sunday, September 14, 2014

Is Mary Luswatta Really A Bitch?

Because of my association with The Vision Group, one question I am always asked is: “TB, who is that b***h on Urban TV with the foul mouth that needs stapling?”

Urban TV and if I am not mistaken, targets the 13-year-olds to 26-year olds, an age bracket which firmly rules  my almost white goatee and I out of the picture.

Let’s bookmark Urban TV for a while. In the US and UK, two television personalities who put the fear of god into everybody they talk about are the soon-to-be deceased Joan Rivers and Ruby Wax.  

Both have been branded super bitches because of their ability to rip apart, chew and vomit out the remains of a celeb without clenching their butt cheeks. They are so ferocious that whenever film stars see them at the entrance to the Oscars or a movie premier, they turn and walk the other way in haste.

Back in the day, the closest Uganda had to a Rivers or Wax was Lillian Barenzi although she didn’t go round ripping into celebs. Her column,‘Never Trust’ put the fear of god into people especially men who freaked whenever they read it, then cried foul and went on to brand her ‘a male hater’. But Barenzi was no male hater. Barenzi was just being Barenzi who came up with a brilliant and assertively written concept for a coloum which men misunderstood and had them bitch like a hooker who was not paid for her services.

That got me thinking. We are a freckle society. We don’t like the assertive types who can express their thoughts on radio, television or in print. Anybody in the self assertive category, is branded ‘proud and full of themselves’. What’s wrong with being proud or so full of ourselves?

Radio presenter, James ‘Fat Boy’ Onen is intelligent, witty and aggressive. Yes he provokes. He incites. He gets his listeners whipped into a rage of fury which does no harm to his ratings. And because he does not conform to the demands of our narrow minded society, he’s branded ‘cold, a thug, self opinionated and who does he think he is’.

And this is the funny part. People who can’t stand him don’t tune to a different station just like the men who didn’t like Barenzi’s Never Trust, didn’t skip her coloum and go on to read the classified ads instead. They carry on listening and reading so they can bitch about somebody out there who is better than them and can do what they can’t do.

Getting back, ‘the bitch on Urban TV’, is a young lady called Mary Luswata who hosts a show calledScoop on Scoop.

Scoop on Scoop, is an explosive show that fires on all 8 cylinders and grips from start to end. Assertive and with ample presentation skills, Luswata expertly disseminates the subject at hand more clinically (and viciously) than vulture picking at a carcass of a dog that was run over by a speeding Gagga bus.

So what byenda do people have with her that necessitates the b***h tag? The way I figure it, Luswata does what we all do on a daily basis and that is to gossip - something that we feel is our god given right to do so.

Or maybe the byenda stems from the fact that Luswata’s gossip is to the core and she has a countrywide audience unlike the pitiful two or three people who listen to ours in a backwater kafunda? And she even gets paid for it.

But I say chill Luswata. If you don’t like her vybe, hit the remote to Bukedde TV and quit bitching because she is doing something that you can’t do.