Tuesday, June 18, 2013

They Thought They Had Class!

Last Saturday, I was at a sagai, which is sort of an engagement party for Meera Ruparelia who is Sudhir Ruparelia’s daughter. It was bound to be a party that had everything from class to pomp. And it did.


But there was something amiss for society has gone to the dogs. While a good number of people who were invited were wealthy people, one thing they didn’t have was class.

I spent a good part of the evening with Dr. Martin Aliker and his wife Camille who have class. Dr. Aliker was dressed to the nines. His suit is not a Select Garment suit – it would be beneath him to be seen in that shop. Rather, his come from Savile Row in England and they are tailored to meet his every specification.

I too have class but I am not at the Aliker level yet for it showed when I was opening a bottle of champagne. You know the wire caging that fits over the cork which incidentally, is called a muselet so Google tells me? Well there is a correct way to opening it so Aliker assured me.

As far I was concerned, it was a matter of twisting the wire handle till it fell apart. That is the way us mere plebs or baleebesi do it. But people who have class will tell you that the wire handle is only supposed to be twisted six times. That’s Aliker’s level of class.

However and still at the same function, there was Tycoon who had difficulty with a knife and fork so he opted to use a spoon. Worse, he tried to act out like he had class simply because he wore an Indian outfit. What he didn’t know is that you can’t wear the Indian outfit if you don’t have the Indian shoes to go with it. He wore Clarkes or was it Bata?

Then, Other Tycoon did not know the difference between a water goblet and a champagne flute. And just in case some of you who don’t have class are reading this article, let me explain. A water goblet is a big glass on a stem while a champagne flute is also a glass on a stem but it’s narrower – thin almost.

When Waiter tried to pour the champagne into the flute, Other Tycoon was adamant that it be poured in the goblet. In Luganda, he said, “Gwe, you just pour the drink. What is your problem?” Now what do you say to a man like that except: “You have no class!”

Just when I thought I had seen it all, up pops Flamboyant Tycoon. When his table was called to go and serve themselves, with his flamboyance he walked over to the serving points with his napkin firmly tucked into his shirt collar. I wanted to tell him this: “Dude listen here, the napkin only starts doing its job once you have settled down into your seat and you are about to start eating. You with me?”

But if I had told him that, he would have said and in Luganda something along these lines: “Gwe TB, I have travelled so what are you talking about?”

But the classic that night was Lady Guest. Rather than first finishing her food then dance, she opted to do both at the same time. She would take a bite of chicken, stand up and dance for a while then sit down eat some rice then stand up and dance! Worse, she thought she was all class! Bambi!