Monday, June 10, 2013

Hypocrites In The Church

There is something about religion that I don’t understand. Weeks ago, there was a church conference in Munyonyo that was attended by bible wielding delegates from across the globe.
Whilst I am not overtly religious, I think I get along with the religious types though, I wish KCCA would remove the street preachers for noise pollution, and close down the funny churches where ‘miracles’ supposedly happen.
Bible Wielding Delegates turned up en-mass. They were a jolly bunch who displayed all the attributes one would expect of a person who worked for the church. During the day, they wore ‘dog collars’ with their finely pressed robes. If not, they clutched at rosary beads while the Jews (I think they were orthodox Jews), looked more like members of the Al-Shabab fraternity than orthodox Jews in their robes and head gear.
Obviously it was prudent that I give them space just in case they did turn out to be Al-Shabab. I also gave the rest space because on one occasion, Nun decided to join me at my table. Why would she do that yet there were plenty of empty seats to go round?
But she did and no sooner had the words: ‘Praise the lord’ spewed out of her mouth, than out came her bible for a bout of prayer.
Any sane person would have bolted but Nun gave me the ‘religious look’ so I stayed put. As she whipped herself into a religious frenzy, a message filtered though on Facebook. “Carwash. Tonight, 8:00pm”.
While Nun did her thing, I kept wondering, of all the people in Munyonyo who need some form of divine intervention, why pick on me? Had I really slithered that far off the religious radar?
I was at Carwash at 8:00pm. Those who live on the road to Munyonyo will know that there is more to Carwash than meets the eye. It happens to be a popular drinking joint that side of town. It has a health spa, aerobics, steam, sauna, gym, food and beer.
It is also a place where fading celebrities like Ivan and Zari go to parade their new cars and show off their wealth.
It was Thursday which meant an adult theme which, is not for the squeamish. The jokes melted out by the comedian are hardcore jokes full of sexual innuendos. And when the girls take to the dance floor, they simply defy the odds for their dance moves make Rihanna, Beyonce and Niki Minaj’s dance routines look like something from the Julie Andrews movie - Sound of Music.
While the obscene and vulgar jokes where being thrown about and the girls engaged in the most suggestive sexual gyrating that I have ever seen, I looked round and in the crowd, were people I did not expect to see and who were indulging in behaviour that was not becoming of the men and women I had earlier in the day seen wearing dog collars, clutching rosary beads, reading passages from the bible and of course, preaching to me.
They were cheering. And they were clapping and some of them were drinking beer. They even danced and almost as raunchy as the girls’ had earlier done.
The following day, I saw them at lunch masquerading and pretending to be squeaky clean men and women of the cloth and who gave an impression that they had spent the previous evening in ‘bible study’.
Seeing that His Grace attended the conference, perhaps I should give him a call and let him know what his people get up to after the sun sets. What do you think?