Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Year Is Nigh!

I am more than a trifle concerned. I am concerned because come Tuesday – 25th December to be precise, there is going to be a Christian jihad.

There is something about religion and Christmas day that I don’t click. It is one of those days when people run amok. And the thing is, they start doing it at least three days before Christmas. They rush out to the stores to buy just about everything that is on sale even if they don’t need it. It is only when they get home that they realize that they don’t need what they bought so they wrap it up and then off load them at the next kwanjula or wedding that they attend.

If they are not busy buying up everything that they can possibly buy from Nakumatt or Uchumi, then they are on Luwum Street looking for shoes, a shirt, blouse or a pair of trousers for Christians, believe that when they go to church on Christmas day, they have to wear new vaz because they have to impress.

Excuse me!? Why would I go out and buy new vaz to pay homage to some zungu who did not shave, go to school, and was born in a barn where the pigs, sheep and cows were sleeping. And then when the zungu got older, he did not aspire to be a doctor or an aeronautical engineer Rather, he went into juju because how to you explain feeding a crowd of people who could fill up Namboole Stadium on just five loaves of bread and two fish!

The funny thing, if Pastor Gary Skinner or Robert Kayanja did that, the tabloids would be screaming out everything from juju to witchcraft.

But I am a sane person. I have not fallen for the Christmas prank of going out to buy everything I can possibly buy from Uchumi or Nakumatt. I have also not gone down to Luwum Street to buy new vaz and certainly come Christmas day, I will not be in church listening to the ramblings of some old fogey who has given himself a title like priest, vicar, archbishop or bishop for I have better things to do.

Anyway enough of religion, and let’s move on to something more interesting don’t you think?

A week ago I was invited to a smoker’s convention and at this point I would like to state that: SMOKING CAN KILL. But I live life on the edge so of course I ignored that that statement for I had to be there. The function was at Club Venom in the mall opposite Quality Cut’s in Kabalagala and the funny thing is this. Why hold a smokers convention in a club that is a no smoking club?

I you wanted to light up, you had to go outside. Secondly, in this club they did not sell beer like Tusker, Bell or Club. They brew their own beer which is served to you in a pitcher for 20k.

Tumbavu to that so I told the event organizers and promptly made an exit to find something better to do.

As I end, I know I have to say this. I don’t really want to but as I type it out, I am biting my tongue and hoping that one of my editors will read it and say: “Hey this is not TB’s style. TB does not say things like this” and promptly delete what you are about to read next. I wish you all a happy Christmas and all the best for 2013.

That was tight.